Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Hopefully I'm REALLY back!!!

WOW!!! I've been SOOO bad at keeping my blog, it's pretty sad really. It seems as though this past year was just a little crazy and there was sooo many things going on. I always meant to catch up but never did but I REALLY want to try and start writing on here again.

This morning while I was working out with my friends we were talking about keeping journals. I used to be sooo good at it in my youth and when I first got married but since then I've been terrible. I kind of saw my blog as a journal and I was doing so well at first so it was great. Anyway along with a bunch of other goals I have, I really want to start writing on here again so I can keep a record of all the things we do as a family. My hope is to make this into a book one day. A few of my friends have done that and they're sooo nice.

Anyway, so I'm going to try REALLY hard and be a better blogger/journal keeper. I had started 2 other blogs aswell which at some point I intend to add things too and probably will throughout the year but I think keeping this blog is WAY more important. I think it's good to do other things because as a mother of 5 I need to do some things for myself but at the same time I don't want "THINGS" to overtake what I LOVE the most and that is my family :)

So, like I said, I have a bunch of goals this year but to sum them up I guess I'm just trying to be a better me. Last year was a little crazy for me. My Dad found out he had cancer again and the outlook was NOT good. The news came at a time when I had TONS of things going on and my emotions were ALL over the place. I felt like a wreck and life just seemed a little overwhelming. A lot of the time I just keep things to myself because I just think I'm ok and can deal with things on my own. I think Steve was a little shocked because I'm normally pretty tough and can cope with anything and everything. I guess I wasn't SOOO bad, I was just SUPER emotional and a bit of a mess. Anyway I went home for the summer which was FANTASTIC! It was hard seeing my Dad so sick but the time we were able to spend with him was AMAZING!!! Since then my Dad has been doing really well. He still has a lot of pain but with the special diet and medicine he takes (all natural stuff) he's been able to stop any growth so we're all thankful for that. It's still such a crazy thing though because he has some REALLY bad days and you never truly know what is going to happen. For now I'm just thankful he's alive and there is no more growth.

When I came home, back to America after being in England it was SOOO hard for me. I've never not wanted to come back here but that time I really wanted to go back home to England. It was the weirdest feeling and I felt sad for a good couple of weeks. I felt so out of place and was pretty sad all the time. It was weird because I LOVE my life here and this is where I want to be but I think because I had spent so much time at home and because of all the things going on with my Dad it just made it so much harder to not be with my family in England. After feeling sorry for myself I'm ok now, it's just hard not being there to help my family and be there with them.

Since then I've thought a lot more about life and how I want my life to be. I've ALWAYS had a STRONG testimony of the gospel and will always be eternally grateful to my parents for raising me in the church and for being such AMAZING examples to me of faith and strength. Last year our family goal was to have Family Home Evening every week and to read the scriptures and have family prayer every day. That is our goal every year it seems but this past year we did the best we've ever done. Not perfect but sooo much better. This year we're adding family prayers in the mornings too because right now we have them before bed but we really wanted to try and have them before the kids leave for school. I really want my kids to LOVE the gospel and be proud to say they are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. One of my favourite scriptures is Romans 1:16, it says "For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ..." and that truly is how I feel.

Sometimes I think I seem to get caught in the trap of thinking I'm ok, I have a testimony and think that I'm ok without doing the simple things I should be doing. I know that really is NOT the case though. Even though I have a testimony which is great, I need to be constantly be making it stronger and learning as much as I can. One thing I've been doing this year is listening to the Relief Society lesson and general conference talks while I go on my elliptical. I have LOVED it. I'm not big into reading books, ok I'm not big into reading at all, hahaha! This has been such a good way to listen to the things I want to while exercising which is another one of my goals :) My ultimate goal is to get up at 6am every day so I can have that time to exercise, read my scriptures and say my prayers. So far I haven't done great on the time but I have been waking up early enough to exercise and ready my scriptures most of the time. It's sad really that the things that are most important are the things I haven't been doing the best at. Every night I set my alarm but I'm just sooo tired, or maybe just lazy is a better word for it. I need to just tell myself to do and make sure the first thing I do is get on my knees and pray because that is the one thing I'm the worst at and that is the most important one I think.

Anyway I think I could write FOREVER, I'm quite the woffler, hahaha! More than anything I just want to RENEW ME!!! I want to be the best wife, mother, friend, daughter and sister I can be. I know it's always going to be a work in progress but I also know that if I'm always trying that is all Heavenly Father asks of me.